Up to my appointment with my neurologist before yesterday I felt increasingly miserable. Waiting for signs of healing while the opposite happened felt discouraging, even scary “When will the decline of my mobility come to an end?” Living in a fog of insecurities about my future. Mentally and emotionally I came to a point where I wished that somebody tells me that for the rest of my life I will be unable to leave bed or wheelchair.
I wasn’t alone with my insecurity. It was my physiotherapist, John, who not only wrote to my GP but also encouraged me to insist asking for further examination of my condition. Here we are.
Coming to terms with my condition
I decided to accept my disability and to regard it as a part of what is called “Being me”. Not giving up but taking a path I call “Concentrating on my remaining abilities to move on”.
A lot to be grateful for
First of all: humans. I’m blessed with the people in and around my life. Family and friends who would have loved to do more but have been lockdown restricted. New people who had been affected every now and then by my anger or depressed moments: carers and nurses. They learned to trigger my sense of humour. Furthermore my physiotherapist and OT, they go beyond their duty. Case workers at Adult Social Care, council employees at Aberdeen City Council, my future hometown. And the fresh non-human new family member Apollo. I can’t wait to deal with this beautiful fur ball when I’m able to move.
Second for having lost my home because I no longer can climb stairs but being in a good temporary accommodation since end of June. I have a beautiful large room with large windows and door facing fields and trees on the left side of my bed and another window opposite of my bed facing car park and entrance. I also have my own bathroom. I need to sit but can still shower myself. The food is very good.
The turning point came to reality with cleaning up my blog yesterday. I want to have a daily duty. I hope that people will share their experiences, questions and opinions with me. Keeping myself busy with whatever comes up and whatever I can enjoy.
I also called friends who I neglected in recent weeks. I was not into talking about my condition and that I wait for one thing only, my neurology appointment.