Since I know that time and form are illusions I just discovered that this sets me free to write without chronological order. Before it was always sabotaged by “How should anyone ever get (understand) me.” I don’t care anymore, nobody is forced to read this blog. My people, the awakened, get me. Everybody else can stay away.
Where was I? Berlin & Music 1975 – 1978 … the happiest time of my life without child. Berlin back at this time was the most liberal City in Germany. I left behind a codependent mother, who meant well … but she didn’t get me. I hurt her when I moved to my father … I had to, I felt like slowly suffocating with her, the school I hated and conservative Cologne (catholic).
I had everything I wanted, my boyfriend Jörg in Oberursel near Frankfurt/Main. I loved him, he should be and was the first who could “have” me (making love). It was a disaster. I’m sure he thought the same “Why are people making such a fuss about it?” I still loved him, we parted ways when he moved to Argentina.
Then there was Angie, I loved her more than Jörg, she felt attached to me and when we parted ways in 1978 I realised how much I felt attached to her. We have been both very similar and complete opposites. I had to leave Berlin, too much reminded me of her.
Berlin? In 3D I need unconventional or happy people around me. This was a given in the scene of artists Angie and I merged into. I got a taste of what freedom meant to me.
I want to sing … loud … and maybe reactivate my alto sax. Time is an illusion. No more asking myself how I can do everything I want to do. Freedom finally.